How to Care for Yourself During Divorce

Preparing for the divorce process can feel like a herculean task but with the right support it can be made much more manageable. To begin with it will be useful to apply the one day at a time approach. Each day allow yourself space for your emotions. Make time for constructive rest. Find and engage with emotional support.

Our team of specialist divorce lawyers in Milton Keynes are here to support and guide you through the entire divorce process. In addition, you may find that working with an experienced counsellor (we have two at Hawkins Family Law) can help you to find you own ways to successfully navigate your divorce.

You will be experiencing what can be a maelstrom of emotions. Good self-care – creating boundaries and space in your mind – will help you have the clarity needed to engage with what can feel like complex, difficult decisions. This is essential in the divorce process and much more possible with the additional emotional support provided by your counsellor.

The nature of divorce and humans are similar in that they are all different, unique to each person in that space and time, but there are some themes that run through the process. Grief and uncertainty are often the largest impacts. Grief can create a variety of complex feelings that are often very changeable. This adds to the uncertainty and the losses a person may be experiencing.

At this time it can be valuable and constructive to galvanise your support. Having a safe therapeutic space in which to negotiate the stages of divorce is helpful. There will be times when you are waiting – for information, a response, a decision – and uncertainty is often worse than any outcome. Working with a therapist and constructively challenging your thinking will help at this time.

You may feel happy or unhappy with an outcome. You may then have to wait again. There will be costs. All these things can be challenging emotionally and shift where you are in terms of your experience of loss and change. The stages of divorce can often create a feeling of being out of control. Therefore, it is essential to consider how you care for yourself and find the professional support that will help you navigate the process.

Dealing with any stressful time can throw your body into chaos. Stress is driven by hormones which even in short bursts can make you feel unwell. The ‘Fight Flight Fear Fawn Flop’ response system is well documented. Everybody has a stress response and it is useful to identify that there is often a gap between stimulation and response. If there is a stressful incident there is a gap – often tiny – in which you can learn to breathe and engage a rational response to calm your body and mind. If you are under constant stress this may become harder.

As humans we seek things that instantly make us feel better. These are different for everyone but can often be self-destructive. When in a period of chronic stress, it is a good idea to establish what your healthy and unhealthy coping strategies are and work out a way to activate the healthy option. Of course, this is easier said than done and as with most things requires some self-reflection. You may find talking to a therapist really helps. Looking after yourself and being gentle in how you think about yourself is important.

Taking care of yourself during a divorce can often feel like the last thing on your list. The trick is to make it the first. Start small, practice living one day at at a time, sometimes just one hour at a time. Try to prioritise your basic needs. Sleeping, eating and fresh air. If you can start there and build forward things will gradually become easier. If one day goes wrong, be kind to yourself. Divorce is a challenging time. Seek support and start again the next day.

Often writing helps people clarify their thinking. As Marilyn Monroe said “think in ink”. It can really help to get your thoughts down on paper. Learn a breathing technique, make your inhale shorter than your exhale, being able to calm your breath is a solid route to grounding yourself. Write a list of things that work for you, make a safety box – think notebook, list of things to remember like a breathing technique, a reminder to go outside and breathe. Find ways to ensure you are able to treat your thoughts with kindness. Make decisions that will help you be as well as you can be. Be your own most important person.

At Hawkins Family Law we have offered therapy alongside legal proceedings for over a decade. The process of therapy helps provide a safe and confidential space to feel and understand complex emotions. Therapy can be transformative in its capacity to give you time and space to find ways forward that are about you and for you. To feel empowered by the process and also heard in times of crisis.

Therapy enables you to process complex emotions and understand the ways you are being impacted. It helps you process your grief and find ways to express anger or sadness and develop your own healthy strategies to keep yourself well and focussed.

Therapy sessions are regular and consistent which provides stability during times of uncertainty. They are a truly safe space in which to share your feelings away from family and friends. Therapy during your divorce legal proceedings can help you set new boundaries, create new routines for yourself, and move into your new future feeling hopeful and empowered.

Ready to take the next step? As leading divorce lawyers in Milton Keynes, our team of family law specialists and divorce counsellors can help you from the moment we start working with you. We also have offices in in Bicester, Watford and London. Talk to us in confidence and find out where you stand. Find out more about our psychotherapists and book an appointment today. Get in touch – we’re here to help.

This article is intended for the use of our clients and other interested parties. The information contained in it reflects the author’s view and is believed to be correct at the date of publication. However, it is necessarily of a brief and general nature and should not be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional help.