What is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling is a form of emotional withdrawal where one partner shuts down communication, avoiding meaningful interaction. This behaviour goes beyond a temporary pause in conflict, creating an environment of rejection, dismissal, and emotional neglect. Stonewalling can deeply damage a partner’s mental well-being and the health of the relationship and can be considered emotional abuse.

Stonewalling in a relationship involves ignoring concerns and refusing to engage in discussions. Although some may refer to it as using the “silent treatment”, in fact it is a way to exert control and avoid accountability. It is inherently destructive as it creates a power imbalance, leaving one partner isolated and invalidated. If this type of stonewalling is used often, it crosses into a form of emotional abuse.

There are two types of stonewalling – intentional and unintentional. While unintentional stonewalling may come from feeling overwhelmed or emotionally unprepared to handle conflict, intentional stonewalling is a deliberate tactic to control or manipulate. However, regardless of intent, both forms of stonewalling impact a partner in the same way and leave them with feelings of loneliness, frustration, and self-doubt. Intentional stonewalling is especially harmful and abusive, as it weaponizes communication withdrawal.

Stonewalling and gaslighting often coexist in an emotionally abusive relationship. Gaslighting will be used to manipulate a partner into questioning their reality and stonewalling shuts down communication entirely. Stonewalling and gaslighting will make a partner feel unheard and emotionally invalidated, creating confusion and amplifying an abusive dynamic.

Stonewalling will often qualify as emotional abuse, particularly when it is intentional and used as a deliberate method to control, punish, or silence a partner. Emotional abuse through stonewalling often leaves victims feeling powerless, unheard, and trapped in the relationship. Stonewalling systematically erodes self-esteem and emotional security.

The emotional effect of stonewalling can include rejection as persistent dismissal leads to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness; isolation as the lack of communication alienates the victim, making them feel unsupported; anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness often emerge in those experiencing stonewalling; and a breakdown in trust as the victim feels emotionally unsafe in the relationship.

This first point is to understand that stonewalling is not just a communication issue but a form of control and emotional neglect. If you are able, try and set boundaries and assert your right to be heard and respected in the relationship. Emotional abuse thrives in isolation and it is important to seek professional support as therapy and legal advice can help you address abusive dynamics effectively.

If stonewalling is part of a broader pattern of abuse in your relationship, consult a family law solicitor to explore protective measures like injunctions or non-molestation orders.  They can also help you navigate through any separation / divorce issues or child arrangement issues where one party is not engaging.

Recognising and addressing stonewalling is a critical step toward reclaiming emotional health and fostering respectful relationships. If you’re experiencing this form of abuse, professional support can help protect your well-being.

As leading family lawyers in Milton Keynes, we can provide compassionate, expert advice to help you reclaim your life. Reach out today for confidential guidance and support. In addition to our head office in Milton Keynes, we also have solicitors in Bicester, divorce lawyers in Watford, and Central London. Talk to us in confidence and find out where you stand. Get in touch – we’re here to help.

This article is intended for the use of our clients and other interested parties. The information contained in it reflects the author’s view and is believed to be correct at the date of publication. However, it is necessarily of a brief and general nature and should not be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional legal advice.