Gaslighting in Relationships: Signs and Seeking Help

A type of emotional abuse that often leave people feeling confused and insecure, gaslighting undermines a person’s confidence in their own perceptions, memories, and experiences. The following article looks at gaslighting in relationships, how to identify it, and the steps you can take to find support.

With gaslighting in relationships, one partner will manipulate the other to doubt their feelings, memory and reality. It is a form of psychological abuse that can aim to cause someone to question their own thoughts. It will often escalate over time, becoming more and more damaging to a person’s confidence. The term comes from the play Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is losing her sanity. Gaslighting is used to exert control and dominate a relationship.

Gaslighting can include denying events and insisting something you recall did not happen; telling you that you are overreacting or being too sensitive; invalidating your emotions by reframing events to make you question your memory or judgment; shifting blame to make you feel responsible for their actions or decisions; and undermining your achievements or self-worth through criticism or dismissal.

It can sometimes be difficult to recognise gaslighting as it erodes your ability to trust yourself. Signs of gaslighting can include feeling constantly confused or second-guessing yourself; often apologising and believing you are too sensitive or imagining problems; a growing sense of isolation as your partner undermines your relationships with others; and feeling overly dependent on your partner’s version of events or reality.

Gaslighting often follows a cyclical pattern in relationships. It will include lying and denial where the abuser dismisses or twists facts to sow doubt; projection, where the perpetrator blames the victim for issues or behaviours they themselves exhibit; and confusion where the victim becomes increasingly uncertain of their own reality. This cycle of abuse is designed to exert control and dominance, reinforcing the abuser’s power.

The effects of gaslighting can include low self-esteem, constant doubt leading to a loss of confidence, anxiety and depression, feelings of being trapped and unsupported, and social isolation where victims withdraw from friends and family, feeling misunderstood or embarrassed. Gaslighting damages the victim’s ability to trust themselves.

If you suspect you’re a victim of gaslighting, consider the following steps: Document evidence – keep a record of conversations or incidents to validate your perceptions. Share your experiences with trusted friends, family, or a counsellor. Seek professional help: Therapy can help rebuild confidence and develop strategies to cope with manipulation.

You can also consider legal options. As leading family lawyers in Milton Keynes, we can provide compassionate, expert advice to help you reclaim your life and protect your rights. Reach out today for confidential guidance and support. In addition to our head office in Milton Keynes, we also have solicitors in Bicester, divorce lawyers in Watford, and Central London. Talk to us in confidence and find out where you stand. Get in touch – we’re here to help.

This article is intended for the use of our clients and other interested parties. The information contained in it reflects the author’s view and is believed to be correct at the date of publication. However, it is necessarily of a brief and general nature and should not be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional legal advice.