Divorce and Digitally Disconnecting – advice and help

Please note that this article discusses serious issues and might be upsetting for people who have been affected. Unwanted digital access is abusive, as are many of the things it is used for – stalking, control, coercion, impersonation, theft of images or otherwise. These are criminal offences and if your ex, or anyone for that matter, has accessed your device without your permission, we would encourage you to contact the police. The below help pages mentioned in the blog may also be of use, as well as domestic abuse helplines such as Refuge whose 24-hour helpline can be called on 0808 2000 247

When discussing the multitude of emotions and concerns that separation brings, something that rarely comes up – and that should be considered more – is digitally disconnecting. What does this mean? Most of us have at least one of these – phones, laptops, computers, tablets, smart TVs… the list goes on. Almost all of us will have one or more email addresses. Many of us have Netflix – a lot of the time sharing a household account. This is just one of the ways that we might be ‘digitally connected’.

I will confess that I have been guilty of using the same password in multiple places – and I am sure I am not the only one. Can you be sure that your ex-partner does not have your password? What about access to WIFI? Or phone backups via the Cloud? Bank accounting in Milton Keynes?

One thing worth particular consideration is whether an ex-partner may be able to access and view confidential content such as advice obtained from a divorce lawyer. Now that the primary means of communication is email, if your ex can access your email account there is a real risk of exposing or undermining your position.

Luckily for all of us, there are many experts dedicated to helping. Some links and resources you may find helpful (there are many more available) are:

1. Refuge Tech Safety – Refuge support victims of domestic abuse, but their ‘digital breakup tool’ is helpful for anyone after a separation. It covers different topics such as location sharing, banking apps, social media, online entertainment etc. They also have a helpline if you are struggling with this by yourself.

2. Coalition Against Stalkerware – this organisation is dedicated to fighting against stalkerware – also known as spyware – essentially programs, apps and devices that enable someone to secretly spy on another. The site contains information videos and guides to identifying and removing stalkerware from devices.

3. Clinic to End Tech Abuse – this charity has produced step by step guides including for Android or Apple phones, email accounts, Facebook, Whatsapp, Tiktok etc and checklists to ensure different means of access are protected.

This blog is not intended to cause worry, but to inform and link to resources that can be visited and re-visited as needed. All readers are encouraged to spend some time thinking about how they might be digitally connected with others in their lives.

If you are going through a separation or divorce, this might feel overwhelming. There is a lot of support out there. It is hoped that the above will provide some technical support and guidance. For legal advice and support we recommend speaking to a specialist divorce and family law solicitor.

Ready to take the next step? Talk to us in confidence and find out where you stand. Our team of divorce and family law specialists – in Milton Keynes, Bicester, Watford and London can advise and guide you from the moment we start working with you. Get in touch – we’re here to help.

This article is intended for the use of our clients and other interested parties. The information contained in it reflects the author’s view and is believed to be correct at the date of publication. However, it is necessarily of a brief and general nature and should not be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional legal advice.