Child Arrangements: 3 signs it’s time to bring in the legal experts

Deciding to see a family lawyer after your relationship has ended is a significant decision particularly if you have children and have been unable to resolve the arrangements for them going forward. Inevitably, you will want to put the needs of your children first. The question that arises is how will this happen? If you are not sure it may help to seek professional legal advice at the beginning to guide you through discussions with your ex-partner. If those discussions fail your lawyer will be able to advise you on the different options available to you.

1. Loss of trust
This can often be the first thing that is shattered when a relationship ends. Particularly if third parties are or have been involved. Your legal adviser can help you look at options for rebuilding this – don’t think that by going to see a family lawyer things will only get worse – most family lawyers are trained in other skills like mediation, collaborative law or even as arbitrators and the skills they have can certainly assist in terms of rebuilding the trust that is going to be so crucial in making the arrangements for the children successful.

2. Muddling financial and children issues
As Resolution lawyers we at Hawkins Family Law are passionate that financial issues must be kept away from any agreements or discussions concerning children. It is all to easy when couples have lost trust to look to barter time for the other parent with the children for money – or indeed withhold funds as a ‘negotiating’ tool. In our experience this only leads to further mistrust and animosity and also has the very negative impact of drawing the children into the adult issues.

3. Not really knowing where to start
There are no hard and fast rules as to what is and is not an appropriate arrangement for your children to spend time with you and your ex. Fundamentally it is what works best firstly for the children and secondly for you – but you do need to think about it as getting this wrong can lead to a breakdown in communication and compound any lost trust issues.

One of the first steps we suggest to parents is to try and talk to your ex in a non emotional child focussed way. To keep dialogue civil and if possible friendly in front of the children. To try and work together to support the children – no one wants their child to be playing a team sport only to find at half time both their parents are on opposite sides of the pitch – where does the child go? We all can imagine how distressing this would be.

It may be that a Parenting Plan could assist – certainly in the early days. This can detail many of the parenting decisions you and your ex-partner will need to make. The plan sets out how much time the children will spend with each parent and includes holidays, travel, medical and educational decisions, and anything else you feel is relevant. A family law specialist can help you create a realistic agreement.

It may be that a specialist third party could assist to facilitate communication – at Hawkins Family Law we have our own in-house consultant counsellor Emma Chamberlain who can help you through the changes in your relationship and support you in dealing with your ex-partner. Alternatively many of our legal advisers are trained mediators, who can meet with you and your partner to facilitate agreement – or you could consider the collaborative law route to work you’re your ex and their collaborative lawyer to find a workable solution.

The earlier you consider these feelings and potential issues the better, as in our experience creating a workable relationship only serves to support your children who are also going through a tough time – something in our experience all parents want.

At Hawkins Family Law our team is experienced in all matters relating to family law, including dealing with complex children matters, negotiation and of course support through counselling. We understand that this is an extremely stressful time for the entire family and by providing expert advice and being approachable, we hope to remove as much stress from our clients as possible.

Our team of family law specialists – in London, Milton Keynes, Bicester and Watford – can advise and guide you about child arrangements and parenting plans. Please get in touch to discuss how we can help you.

This article is intended for the use of our clients and other interested parties. The information contained in it reflects the author’s view and is believed to be correct at the date of publication. However, it is necessarily of a brief and general nature and should not be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional legal advice.